I hope I never get famous

how do you tell someone that you don’t deserve them, that they’re too good for you, that you’re out of their league and mean it?

It’s raining, my thumb hurts, and the events at the Boston Marathon today make me sad and jaded about the future. I wish people weren’t the way they were sometimes.

I suddenly have no desire to fly on Thursday.

Sometimes ya just gotta dance naked

I’m burnt out.

That’s it.

I just typed “I’m going to smash this pint” and then I visualized myself actually bringing my fist down on my pint of ice cream.

And then I wondered if anyone has ever taken euphemisms and literally done what they said they were going to do/were doing.

And then I wondered if that’s on YouTube.

And then I wondered if I used the word “euphemism” correctly.

Still wondering that.

It’s Friday. And with the exception of Tuesday, I’m going to kick this week in the teeth and send it home to it’s momma with a bloody mouth. So I’m going to tackle something that I never thought I’d legitimately tackle before:

Arts and crafts.

Sure, I’ve done it with “up-cycling” (fancy hipster term) an old shoe rack and an old coat stand, but this time, I’m going to make some coasters. With an old book, some cork, and some mod podge.

I don’t even know what mod podge is.

Whatever.

I’m going to get some gluey stuff, grab this old show gift that I’ve been slowly using as stationary (and trying to figure out other ways in which I can use it, because it’s about Poudre Valley, WY and has nothing to do with me) and put this bad boy on some circles. And maybe some other things. 

Destruction of my apartment photos to follow.

it’s always him who texts me late at night when I want it to be you.

I’m just staying off of Facebook for a while.

I’m an apathetic American, so sue me.

I’ve never been a person for politics – I think because of my religion – and it’s not like I suddenly can’t stand everyone that has a status or I hate the first amendment, but to me politics is just a bunch of talking heads, telling people what they want to hear to net votes. And not that they won’t try to act on their promises; it’s just that in some respects (and because people are people) they might not get everything they want to get done, done. So I don’t complain about this country, because people are flawed. This system is flawed. I don’t take advantage of my right to vote. Granted, I don’t take advantage of my right to bear arms either, because wearing bear arms is genetically impossible.

Sometimes I feel like this country is young. And I just live in it. Because of the faith I have and the things I believe in, I’m just expecting this big, prideful thing to take quite the tumble sooner or later. Maybe sooner rather than later. So election years tire me out, and I don’t have the patience (or the attention span) to sit and block everyone on my news feed that says something political until after 11/8. 

It’s also like when retail stores just skip Halloween and Thanksgiving after Labor Day and go straight to Christmas. Like, it’s months away. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

Also, Halloween trumps every other holiday because it’s like a week of party shenanigans, and the whole globe celebrates it in one way or another, so who wouldn’t want to globe party? Because it’s on my bucket list.

Yeah, like 50 countries or whatever legitimately do Christmas. Get out of here.

They’re painless. I mean really, I drove an hour for like, 5 minutes. I was in at 7:20, out at 7:30.

So this is why I need to live in a big city, so I don’t use four gallons of gas to get to an audition. 

I wasn’t super excited about it, I wanted to play it cool and professional; the director/producer/whoever she was was there obviously, and they gave me a bottle of water on my way out. Really nice, really.

If I get it, I get it. Filming will be all over southern Michigan (Detroit, Fenton, etc). If I don’t get it, well, I have another film audition on Thursday in Yipslanti. Or however you spell it. If I don’t get that, well, I just submitted my materials to a rush casting call in Georgia. How will I get to Georgia if I get that? I have no idea. Seriously, I have no idea. It was an impulsive submission, for Roman GianArthur, and damn it, if I get it, I’ll fucking bike there if I have to — it’s Roman. Gian. Arthur. He works with Janelle Monaé.

Sometimes I think I’d move to Georgia if Tyler Perry didn’t have a vice-grip on the film and theatre industry down there. I don’t care much for stereotypes and I don’t care much for gospel or spirituals; I’m not that kind of black woman. So sue me, I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and my parents were forward-thinking, racially sensitive Black intellectuals who placed books in my hands as soon as I figured out how to form syllables. 95% of the time, I can’t relate to a single character in Tyler Perry’s movies. Situations, yeah, but who can’t?

I’m refusing to give up. I can’t give up; I’m too young for rejection.